In making my list, I was struck by what stands out for me. More than listing a lot of things that I’ve done that are pretty amazing, I love the internal qualities with which I do things. Not saying there’s anything wrong with listing lovely accomplishments, but my particular bent has to do with the fine details, the finesse, or the internal state, with which I’ve done things. It’s just what’s important to me. There are many things we in the same culture do in common, but the way in which we do these things is so unique, so lovely. That said, I definitely listed a few things I’ve done! I may have gotten repetitive because I took weeks to complete this exercise and didn’t review all the past ones!
1. I survived a childhood of physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual torture, and other lifetimes of that, and I’ve been thriving more and more.
2. I came out of all manner of abuse by my dad, with my mind mostly intact, never going into severe, prolonged drug abuse, and always staying in school and job / work.
3. I am a loving mother. I allow my child space for his body to find balance, when he is out of sorts, against the still-dominant cultural climate of “make your kid suppress his expressions that aren’t hurting others, such as crying.”
4. I calmly stayed with my child, through tantrums in public, even when I had to move him out of the way of other people, or pin him, or hoist him out to the car.
5. I calmly stayed with my child, through being attacked by him (attempts to hit, kick), in public and private, holding his body when necessary.
6. In the face of challenging circumstances with an ex husband, I have stuck with the legal process and stayed heavily involved in my child’s life, at least as much as his dad.
7. I’ve schlepped a shovel and a screen through miles of briar-filled woods for the love of research.
8. I calmly encountered an alligator in the woods…and quietly walked around it.
9. I calmly surprised a turkey in the woods…and came out unscathed.
10. …and snakes, and wild pigs, etc.
11. A woman I respect tremendously, noted some of my qualities: calm, steady, and possibly the most intelligent person she knows.
12. I tried running away from home as a kid. This is really important to me, to remember.
13. I found boundaries with my mother before she died, and I believe our relationship improved to some degree because of my inner work.
14. I asked for the money in the amount that came into my mind, without hesitation, when starting a new job after divorce and 3+ years out of the workforce.
15. I’ve learned what it means to live by higher guidance, and I go with it many times when it seems to my rational mind not to be a good idea. And I’ve never been disappointed at the experiences and outcomes.
16. Being kind and loving, is first and foremost my priority, to myself and to others, in all situations.
17. I am conscientious, particularly in my work.
18. I am vigilant about security, which has been helpful in my work in the world.
19. I feel I keep projects tracked and documented appropriately.
20. I don’t hesitate to speak up when I see something of concern.
21. I handle a large amount of responsibility well.
22. I like to focus on improving processes, and efficiency, with heart.
23. I am happy to share my expertise with others.
24. I am focused on keeping my word – I strive not to make promises I don’t feel I can keep, and I keep my commitments. When I need to change the plan, I generally communicate ahead of time, with great consideration for the other person / people.
25. Being sensitive to the needs of others, is a priority to me.
26. I love to increase my self-awareness and think it is pretty high now.
27. I am committed to high-quality participation and high-quality work in everything I commit to.
28. I have a great deal of leadership capability – making decisions and accepting responsibility for those decisions.
29. I can be humble. I’m always willing to learn how I can change for the better for myself, for all.
30. I love plants. As in, I stop and allow blissful moments of appreciation for plant life.
31. I love animals. As in, I stop and allow blissful moments of appreciation for animal life.
32. I love rocks. As in, I stop and allow blissful moments of appreciation for crystalline slow life.
33. I love humans. As in, I stop and allow blissful moments of appreciation for us complex beings.
34. I am appreciating insects more and more. I am challenged by this one, but hey, I love ladybugs! I’m including tasty “seabugs,” shellfish, in this category (yum!).
35. I seem to be doing well at keeping houseplants alive, including a carnivorous one.
36. I am starting to develop more relationship with certain plants.
37. I have a pet cat and interact with her regularly.
38. I love my son – I regard him positively, and if there’s a moment where I have lost that high regard, I process my feelings and work to regain it.
39. I make time for intentional, routine activities with my son, so there is regularity and rhythm in our home.
40. I have routine activities with my son, outside of the home, to expose us to a variety of social situations and to engage us in service.
41. I limit my son’s screen time and mentor him on the choices he’s making during his screen time, so he can become an independent adult with good habits. This is something I do for the rest of his time as well.
42. I had 12 weeks of childbirth classes, preparing for my son to come into the world.
43. I did as much as I could to relax during pregnancy, and to think positive thoughts.
44. I did physical exercises to prepare for childbirth.
45. I did guided meditations (for childbirth and general health).
46. I quit my job so I could relax and focus on moving to another state for my son. And I’m fortunate that I was able to do that.
47. I ate well and avoided drugs and alcohol, in preparation for my son.
48. I had a home birth, in a warm, relaxing specially prepared tub.
49. I put my son to my breast right away.
50. I’ve responded to my son as promptly as possible.
51. I record my son’s dreams for him (and mine!).
52. I focus on making it safe for my son (and others) to talk to me, by being loving and communicating in response, lovingly.
53. I overcame pain and breastfeeding troubles, to feed my child for a long time.
54. I prioritize nourishment, of myself and others, through food and more.
55. I focus on win-win solutions for all.
56. I’ve moved my home (as an adult, and to varying degrees, from smaller moves in and out of dormitories, to apartments, to houses) 29 times and have lived in 7 states throughout life. I think there are many admirable aspects of that.
57. I have tenacity, dogged persistence, to get new projects off the ground.
58. I have the ability to take nebulous projects, define the steps needed to move them along, and do those things.
59. I have quite a lot of energy to get things done, when I really give myself credit for all that I do.
60. I give a lot of my focus to what I’m doing. I strive to be fully present, even when it’s been taxing.
61. I’ve made times for working toward the bigger goals in my life, not just what others demand of me or the little things.
62. I’ve made time for Melchi, to play, to do what he wants to do. There are times when I’m a fully engaged, attentive Mom.
63. I’ve demonstrated to Melchi how to make commitments and follow through with them.
64. I’ve taken time to articulate my values and share those with my son. I also live them.
65. I take time to focus on my own deeper needs.
66. I am a relentless investigator. I’m not satisfied to accept the story of things from imperial culture. I ask many questions and go further.
67. I do not give up on being there to witness myself, nor do I give up on being there to witness my son in what he’s experiencing.
68. There are rare times when I can’t be there for someone, and I explain why and ensure I make a connection at a later time.
69. I can juggle a lot of activities and dreams.
70. I can relax deeply.
71. I share my passions, demonstrating love to others.
72. I have become much less anxious and more solid about myself, more calm, through multiple lawsuits from my ex husband and his wife.
73. I work hard for myself, in the sense that often I choose to focus on myself, and improve how I feel about myself and the world, rather than cater to what others want.
74. I make a lot of activities / experiences happen for my son, in spite of the distance from his dad and even when it would be more comfortable for me to avoid those situations.
75. I stand for myself, in full authority of myself and my son.
76. When I clear and organize a space, I am in awe at the beautiful energy I put into that place and how it shines afterward.
77. I voluntarily chose to drive manual transmission cars, which take extra skill.
78. I love to sing for, and read stories to, my child. I communicate a lot of love through those methods.
79. I’ve finally caught on to how to shift my internal state into what seems natural from early life for some lucky people: to a state of firm, sturdy, grounded belief in myself, in my center. It goes along with my declaration that I have full authority, sovereignty, ownership of myself. I’ve found my power and can go there at will. I’ve watched how people calmly do what I say or respond helpfully, when I state my observations or wishes from this sturdy place.
80. I’m pretty strong, body-wise, too.
81. I notice things that other people miss.
82. I am supportive of myself, willing to find solutions that enable me to achieve my goals.
83. I am supportive of my loved ones, willing to find solutions that enable them to achieve their goals.
84. I’m always looking for something better, always growing, in joy.
85. I have a particular style of movement, a joyous feminine flair, in any work I do.
86. I think of other people…even when I’m at the store. I just ask that aloud, and someone calls me, or I get an idea. I call up a friend or other loved one and ask, can I pick up something for you.
87. I’m sharp and thorough.
88. I love to put good energy into any task.
89. I love to dance.
90. I love to swim.
91. Many times over, I have plucked up the courage to keep going.
92. When I went back to work after I had my child, I ignored some wacky recruiter who told me I’d have to volunteer for a while and went straight back into it for pay, asked for the salary that came to me, which was a great deal higher than before I had my child.
93. I’ve helped start a local healer network.
94. I make and serve meals for people. I serve community meals for people.
95. I love to host art / craft projects for the community, that are open ended, even at Christmas. That seems rare, but I always love the delight when a kid comes up and realizes they can make “anything they want”! There’s paint, construction paper, glue, and more. If a child asks, I will draw a quick outline of some animal or whatever it is they request, and they delight in filling it in.
96. When I look at how far I’ve come since several years ago, when I was physically sick over and over again and recovering from miscarriage, I am just amazed at my badass self, and the badass universe that enabled me.
97. I’ve overcome physical weakness and illness from childhood, gradually finding my way to better and better health. I just keep finding greater and greater self love.
98. I keep commitments to myself and others pretty well. I tend not to over-commit.
99. I’m learning guitar, with what feels like almost no time to do it! With my son. It’s so lovely. I’ve never learned to play a musical instrument before.
100. I feel like I would learn any skill necessary to achieve my goals, and I think I’ve proven that in my life. I look forward to learning to build a house, gaining greater competence in house-things.
101. I have a rich inner life! I love dreams, visualizations, imaginings.
102. I’ve been empathetic to the point of feeling so much, but I’m also enjoying this greater detachment and perspective while still having that sensitivity to how things are for other people.