I’m so grateful to report that this awareness from a few weeks ago manifested even further this past week.
I presented at an important meeting. A meeting with senior level mgmt and the C-suite of my department. I always get a bit nervous in front of a crowd like this. All in all, the presentation went well. But as the conversation progressed it was clear the group was trying to take the solution beyond our intended scope. This made me very nervous. I eventually had to speak up and pull in the reigns.
Afterwards, and into the next day, I was feeling self-conscious about having spoken up. I could hear that voice in my head beating me up. Though not the official “turn around”, I was bold enough to stop for a minute and look at it from a different perspective. Is it my job/responsibility to control what other people think about me?? There are plenty of people at work, and in general, that I don’t agree 100% with, yet I’m still happy to work with them and respect them. So, even if some people in that room were not pleased with what I said, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t “like” me or “respect” me.
I also immediately felt the relief when I started to believe that “what other people think of me is none of my business”. This relief was a glorious feeling. It was different than my usual denial, distract myself and work-to-death approach, when I don’t want to deal with something. This was a feeling of freedom.
It all seems so obvious when I put it on paper. And I’m sure I’ve read something like this 100 times in books and articles. But it’s thanks to this program, that I even became aware that I was carrying this weight around. Once I could see it, then I could turn it around.