Jen's insights from Week 2

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  • #1663
    Suzanna
    Keymaster

    Here is Jen’s post on our FB group (I’m taking the liberty to post it here, too, Jen, so Heather can be part of it.)

    Jen Rice:
    Wow … revelations are coming to me. I’m starting to see how my attachment trauma has clouded my attachment with everyone and everything. I never thought I was wanting approval .. but that’s what it is .. silently hidden under the tough girl / party girl / self-sufficent / etc girl .. that unworthy feeling from rejection and lack of attachment has created a self-image that is constantly shifting to the environment and wondering what other people think.

    This is a Big Deal. Holy mackerel. No wonder I am so exhausted after being around people a lot. Why I need to be by myself to literally unwind and recharge. WOW. I have been carrying this beast of a burden for so long, i didn’t even realize it.

    Happy revelation. Sad realization.

    #1674
    HeatherGray
    Participant

    Wow, Jen! Awesome! It takes a lot of energy, doesn’t it.

    #1716
    JenniferRice
    Participant

    I’m so grateful to report that this awareness from a few weeks ago manifested even further this past week.

    I presented at an important meeting. A meeting with senior level mgmt and the C-suite of my department. I always get a bit nervous in front of a crowd like this. All in all, the presentation went well. But as the conversation progressed it was clear the group was trying to take the solution beyond our intended scope. This made me very nervous. I eventually had to speak up and pull in the reigns.

    Afterwards, and into the next day, I was feeling self-conscious about having spoken up. I could hear that voice in my head beating me up. Though not the official “turn around”, I was bold enough to stop for a minute and look at it from a different perspective. Is it my job/responsibility to control what other people think about me?? There are plenty of people at work, and in general, that I don’t agree 100% with, yet I’m still happy to work with them and respect them. So, even if some people in that room were not pleased with what I said, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t “like” me or “respect” me.

    I also immediately felt the relief when I started to believe that “what other people think of me is none of my business”. This relief was a glorious feeling. It was different than my usual denial, distract myself and work-to-death approach, when I don’t want to deal with something. This was a feeling of freedom.

    It all seems so obvious when I put it on paper. And I’m sure I’ve read something like this 100 times in books and articles. But it’s thanks to this program, that I even became aware that I was carrying this weight around. Once I could see it, then I could turn it around.

    #1717
    Suzanna
    Keymaster

    Love what you’re sharing here, Jen! So precious! And the beauty is: it’s yours now!
    <3

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