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  • #1713
    HeatherGray
    Participant

    Ahh, I got nearly all of the documents to my attorney except one. The e-mails took longer than I thought they would Thursday night, so I stayed up late, but I guess it was worth it in the end. That is all off my plate.

    I spoke with the lawyer about preparing for the evaluation. I asked some silly questions (I could feel internally that they weren’t that big a deal…I couldn’t feel that guidance until I was sitting in his office), and got exactly the “don’t worry” answers I needed. Several things I thought about doing, he doesn’t recommend doing. That’s off my plate.

    He pointed out the obvious: the guy who will be doing the parenting time evaluation recommended 50% time before, and that’s a bigger deal than custody. And most likely, he will do it again. He recommended (my words, feed the evaluator’s ego, key advice) by telling him how I have changed and improved since the last one, and that my relationship with my son is stronger than ever. I now feel preparing for the evaluation is doable and not “oh no, more than I have time for.” It was a great relief to spend the money talking to this man, who is confident, experienced, and knows what to focus on.

    I witnessed my tax preparer this week, with compassion. I’ve realized how I attract all these fine-detail, meticulous people into my life. The darker end of that spectrum is when people are anxiously fretting over details that don’t serve them or anyone else very well. The lighter end is when that brings a great deal of satisfaction, richness, and beauty to life (think of a painter who notices the fine details and puts them into her painting…the beadworker who loves to work with itty bitty seed beads to make gorgeous artwork…). Well…I finally feel like I’ve had the full experience of this tax preparer. I feel like she put me through the ringer, requesting more and more documents, to allay her anxiety. I realized, other people prepare taxes in much less time (I’m not itemizing deductions, my tax situation is fairly simple, save for some things that came in with my mom’s death last year), and I’ve always been just fine, never audited. I am thankful for these experiences with her, but I will not use her anymore. Ever notice when those qualities go along with other things? She has a lot of gastrointestinal distress…her adult son lives with her and she has poor boundaries with him, enabling him to live a dull life playing a lot of computer games, because she’s afraid he will kill himself otherwise…she looks very unhealthy…I think I just had to get to know her better to see these things about myself and make new choices. I know I have tended to do the same thing in my work, obsessing over details that don’t bring me joy, other times focusing on details that bring me joy, and to learn to distinguish and choose. Note to self: always pick the most joyful-looking, healthiest-looking, energetic people to bring into my life when I get to choose! There are definitely things that go together! Best of luck to this tax preparer, who taught me so much.

    I did the “what I wish my parent or someone else would have told me” exercise on Wednesday with a friend. We leaned against each other, arms linked, as we sat on the couch and spoke them aloud. It’s less emotional now than it used to be for me, but I think it was very healing to do it with a friend.

    #1714
    Suzanna
    Keymaster

    Beautiful insights, shifts, realizations and putting things into action. Love that, Heather!
    Thanks for sharing. I’m always amazed at how far you’ve come in such relatively short time!

    <3 <3 <3
    Suzanna

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